Friday, September 21, 2012

My very first blog post is of course going to be about my Ah Ha moment. What is an Ah Ha moment you say. Well I'll tell you. It's when you look at yourself in a mirror or recent photo and say "Shit, what have I done to myself." Now I'm not promising there won't be pictures of cute kids or an adoring husband posted in the future, but for now I'm going to stick to the down and dirty. The nitty gritty of how freaking fat I had gotten. Yep folks, FREAKING FAT I said it. Which brings me back to my Ah Ha Moment.

Looking back I know now there were several moments leading up to the big Moment when my life would forever be changed. But today I am going to tell you about the one that did it, the moment I decided I was worth more. I remember very well waking up and thinking can I just go back to sleep. Because seriously whats the point in getting out of bed if you can't stand to look in the mirror. That was how so many of my days seemed to start. But I got up, for some reason my 2 year old likes to eat three times a day. Go figure. I got the turd a bowl of cereal (with milk because she's a big girl) and booted up the old computer. I was randomly going through some pictures when I came across this one.

                                                                     Sad I know.

This picture was taken in October of 2011. I was so pathetic. I remember telling the photographer that the goal was to make me look smaller. And she did a great job. In other pictures. But here was this one that wasn't so misleading. I would guess I weighed around 230 pounds in this picture. I am 5'5" folks. That means obese in laymens terms. Between October of 2011 and June of 2012 I would gain another 10 pounds and have a BMI of 40. So it was while sitting on my fat butt and looking at this picture that I simply said to myself I am worth more. I owe myself a better life. I owe my daughter a better future.

Luckily I also decided to do something about it; and I have spent the past 90+ days working toward that future. I am a firm believer that weight loss is completely mental. You have to decide for yourself that it is time to do something and to stick to it. No one else can give you the drive or motivation it takes to shed the pounds and keep them off. It has to come from within. I remember last Christmas and Thanksgiving my mom was dieting and every time she would say no I can't eat that, I would think WELL I CAN, and I would shovel some more in. Because I wasn't ready to commit to a new lifestyle I practically shunned anyone who was. I knew deep down I needed to do something but I just wasn't there.

I have always, seriously freaking ALWAYS been overweight. But I knew I had reached a new low and I could either sink further, or become a woman my daughter will be proud to call her mother. So I came up with a goal. My husband and I along with another couple are going on a cruise in October. I decided if I hadn't lost 30 pounds by the time we set sail I wouldn't take any spending money with me. That's right I wouldn't be able to drink, shop, buy pictures, or even indulge in a frozen sugar laden, coffee while on board. Well it seemed to work, I am 40 pounds down and we don't leave for 12 more days! Kiss on the Lips anyone?

                                                   200 pounds (sorry about the bad quality)

I  know I have a long road ahead but looking back at the last 3 months I know I can do this. I have told my husband several times ( he is getting pretty sick of weight loss in our house LOL) that for the first time in my life I know I can do this. I know how to lose weight and keep it off. I know it may take a year or even two but I will wear a bikini for the first time IN MY LIFE. Because I finally have found that determination. Not because I stumbled upon a magic pill or fairy dust that melts fat in front of your eyes. But because I lit a fire under my ass to change, and I will accept nothing less than perfect. Sure I have and will again fall off the wagon. YES I cheat. But for the most part I am a different person. I no longer want to eat crap all the time. Because skinny jeans are in style and this chick is going to look good in a pair!


  1. You rock my face off. You are such an inspiration and I'm proud to call you my best friend :)

  2. Way to go!! You look amazing... Thank you for inspiring me!! :)

  3. Thanks Tara, I am so happy that you stopped by :) Good luck on your own journey! You can do it!!!