Thursday, October 25, 2012

How did it get so bad?

230 pounds... There are no words

This is a question I seem to ask myself a thousand times a week. 

The answer is life happened. (And I am a fantabulous cook!)

I love to cook, and I love to eat even more.

What I don't love is being a fat-ass.What I really hated was teaching my daughter that there was nothing I could do about it.
Chocolate Cake, Chocolate Cheesecake, Chocolate Pie, Chocolate Covered Strawberries... Anyone seeing a pattern???




So back to the question at hand. How did it get so bad? 

In the beginning I felt like I was a recovering alcoholic in so many ways.
And I was recovering from an addiction just not from alcohol.

I was a food addict. 

Whew I said it... I was 100% addicted to FOOD.

I would find myself driving through my favorite fast food restaurants on the way home from town and ordering $15-$20 worth of food just for myself. Then I would EAT. IT. ALL. I also needed to do it while watching a show I liked or reading a book. I was trying to escape reality, the reality where I knew it was wrong to eat 3 double cheeseburgers, a large order of fries and a 20 piece McNugget while slurping down a extra large coke all by myself.

I was in denial about my addiction for a really long time. But when I realized I would NEVER have done this in front of anyone else, it seemed to click that I had a problem.

When I look at that picture above I can hardly believe that was me. I DIDN'T feel that big. I never saw myself that way.

But it WAS me. The only reason I can look at that picture without hating myself is the peace that comes with knowing, it will never be me again.

I have not eaten at my favorite spots since June 15th. I'm not saying I haven't had fast food, I have. But never at the places I used to frequent. I'm not sure I will ever be able to go back through those places and not want to eat the way I used to. So I don't go.

I can say we ate at a taco place a few nights ago and I had a really unhealthy (amazing tasting) quesadilla, and I was sick minutes after eating it. I'm proud to say my body has learned the difference between the crap and the good stuff.

I'd also like to put a little blame on my wonderful, supportive, amazing husband. He never once told me I was too fat. He never once said I just can't be with you anymore. He never quit loving me through the worst of it all. He told me I was Beautiful ever single day. Because of all of these things I love him more than words can express. He let me come to this decision to change all by myself, never pushing me to be a stick thin trophy wife (although I don't think he would mind very much). It is because of him and our daughter that I have put so much effort into being a healthier person inside and out.
 My husband (aka Big Pimpin') and myself at 240lbs in May -  My niece Gracey and myself at 200lbs in October.
 I know everyone has to have their own wake up call, and if you need one I hope it comes quickly. Life is worth living so go out and do it! Don't wait until you are where I was. Love yourself enough to take care of your body.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

25 comments:

  1. Phenomenal and Powerful post today chick. I LOVE that you can look back and think "this will not be me again". This is truly an inspiration. You look amazing and I adore your husband already - what a great man.

    Being healthy for my children is the MOST important factor for me.

    Thanks for posting this - it was a great read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melanie,

      Thank you for your comment. It means so much to me to hear that my struggles and triumphs have inspired someone!

      Thank you for reading!

      Delete
  2. Awesome work. You look amazing. Your food pics had me drooling though.

    www.justsimplyd.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL sorry for the tempting photos! I make cakes and teach cake decorating for a living... It's tough! I love your background on your blog :) I didn't know you could get codes for them. I went and found one! It made me feel all my-spacey HAHA

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  3. You are doing an amazing job!!

    familyimaid.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I just looked at your blog. It is adorable!

      Delete
  4. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am so proud of you...your honesty and humor are just the best! Big hugs and lots of support :) May God continue to provide you with the strength you need and want to continue on your loss journey!

    ReplyDelete
  6. so proud of you. You are well on your way to being a healthier you- not just physically but mentally as well. keep it up chick :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Kate! I can honestly say today I would be fine if I had to go back to the size I was before as long as I were able to keep my new mentality. The hardest part about losing weight for me was finally realizing I COULD do it! (Not that I would EVER want to start over!!!)

      Thanks for reading!

      Delete
  7. Great post! You're honesty is awesome. I was also the girl that would place similar orders at fast food joints - and I've been known to hit up two different ones before heading home with my bags of food. I have one I had to avoid completely too. Way to go!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah-man... The days of going thru two places because I was ashamed of how much food I wanted. I'm so happy I'm not alone!!!

      Thanks for sharing!

      Delete
  8. Your background is so so cute!!! I want to change mine already. I'm not sure what is acceptable in the blogging world as far as how often you should change your background. lol. If there are blogging world rules somewhere I need a copy. I love reading your blog, I tagged you over on my blog for the Liebster award =)
    http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=855137638141655245#editor/target=post;postID=6774595406392203052

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! The best part is you can take most of the credit :) I don't know about the "Blog Rules" either?!?! Most of the blogs I read keep the same look. I'm not sure if there is a reason for that or not...

      Thank you for tagging me! I will check it out :)

      Delete
  9. Thank God for wake up calls! Knowing you need to be a role model for your children is a big eye opener too. Way to get healthy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sure was for me!

      Thanks for stopping by :)

      Delete
  10. I think the Ah-ha moments in our lives can be super scary, but amazingly liberating! I'm so happy you've jumped in with both feet and are changing your life! You look amazing - and so do those deserts!
    I also have one of those husbands - who didn't say a word, but loved me all the same. He's never, ever said it, but I can tell he's way more attracted to me now that I've lost weight. And that right there, is inspiration for me to keep going!
    Thanks for sharing your story!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I recently had my real wake up ah ha moment as well. I too am a revovering food addict. Its hard but you sre such an inspiration. Good luck i will be reading.

    Toya
    Kismetandkilograms.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Toya,

      Thank you for you comment! I, like so many other keep going because someone, somewhere told me I have inspired them. I promise when I am working out in the morning I will think of you and push even harder!

      Thanks for reading and good luck on your journey.

      Delete
  12. I know this is an older post but I needed it today and cried reading it because I can relate on so many levels!! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so happy to know that I'm not alone. Thank you for reading!

      Delete