How did it get so bad?
|230 pounds... There are no words|
This is a question I seem to ask myself a thousand times a week.The answer is life happened. (And I am a fantabulous cook!)
I love to cook, and I love to eat even more.
What I don't love is being a fat-ass.What I really hated was teaching my daughter that there was nothing I could do about it.
|Chocolate Cake, Chocolate Cheesecake, Chocolate Pie, Chocolate Covered Strawberries... Anyone seeing a pattern???|
So back to the question at hand. How did it get so bad?In the beginning I felt like I was a recovering alcoholic in so many ways.
And I was recovering from an addiction just not from alcohol.
I was a food addict.Whew I said it... I was 100% addicted to FOOD.
I would find myself driving through my favorite fast food restaurants on the way home from town and ordering $15-$20 worth of food just for myself. Then I would EAT. IT. ALL. I also needed to do it while watching a show I liked or reading a book. I was trying to escape reality, the reality where I knew it was wrong to eat 3 double cheeseburgers, a large order of fries and a 20 piece McNugget while slurping down a extra large coke all by myself.
I was in denial about my addiction for a really long time. But when I realized I would NEVER have done this in front of anyone else, it seemed to click that I had a problem.
When I look at that picture above I can hardly believe that was me. I DIDN'T feel that big. I never saw myself that way.
But it WAS me. The only reason I can look at that picture without hating myself is the peace that comes with knowing, it will never be me again.
I have not eaten at my favorite spots since June 15th. I'm not saying I haven't had fast food, I have. But never at the places I used to frequent. I'm not sure I will ever be able to go back through those places and not want to eat the way I used to. So I don't go.
I can say we ate at a taco place a few nights ago and I had a really unhealthy (amazing tasting) quesadilla, and I was sick minutes after eating it. I'm proud to say my body has learned the difference between the crap and the good stuff.
I'd also like to put a little blame on my wonderful, supportive, amazing husband. He never once told me I was too fat. He never once said I just can't be with you anymore. He never quit loving me through the worst of it all. He told me I was Beautiful ever single day. Because of all of these things I love him more than words can express. He let me come to this decision to change all by myself, never pushing me to be a stick thin trophy wife (although I don't think he would mind very much). It is because of him and our daughter that I have put so much effort into being a healthier person inside and out.
|My husband (aka Big Pimpin') and myself at 240lbs in May - My niece Gracey and myself at 200lbs in October.|
YOU ARE WORTH IT!